I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
