Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
