my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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