**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
