Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
