I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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