Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just invented taco cereal.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
