i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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