I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pants are for mortals
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
