He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
