My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
