i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
