hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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