I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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