just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
