If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
