my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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