I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
