Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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