piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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