Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
