on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
