dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
