shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
