so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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