I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
