I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
