I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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