He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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