watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
