I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this is an emotional support booty call
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
