Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
