He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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