and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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