my vag is so smooth its legendary
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
