We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
