I just pynch a tree in the face
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
