I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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