Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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