Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
