i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
