all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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