I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
