i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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