Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
