It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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