I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Randomize
