you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
