thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
