I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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