I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
