I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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