just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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