I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
