I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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