am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
