I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
