I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
