I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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