Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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