i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
