I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just pynch a tree in the face
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
