he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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