Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
