Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
