im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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