I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
