Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
