With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize