They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
