Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
