2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
