Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
