capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
