the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
