I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
