please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
