I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have post one night stand depression
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
