ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
