why didn't you poke me back
This is not my ceiling
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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