Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
