Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
