By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
