And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
