nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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