i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
