Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
