butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
