i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
