Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
