Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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