Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
