you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
