I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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