Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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