she looked like the before picture.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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