Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
