If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
