we have officially lost it.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What drink are we having for lunch?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
