that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you never un-have a 4some
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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