is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
