I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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