You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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