Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
