You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
