Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
