My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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